Brain Blurb

I'm feeling rather stressed right now. Everyone seems to be in a bad mood at the moment - well, not everyone, but you know what I mean. Teenage strops don't help matters. I think I'll be off to bed with my friend valium shortly!
Apart from the usual family tensions I'm a bit worried. I keep forgetting words, using the wrong ones, forgetting what has been said to me, and I'm generally not very with it at all. I'm still walking into things and my balance is awful. Yes, it could be side effects, but most of the stuff I'm taking I've been taking for ages, or have been on it previously. There's nothing like knowing you have a brain tumour to make you start worrying about that kind of thing.
Yes, I know it's only a little one, but it's in a confined space (obviously), and in one of the most difficult places to be removed from. I really want to get the brain MRI over and done with, because I won't be able to stop worrying about it until I have the results.
I've bought myself a little notebook to carry around everywhere, so that I can write everything down. Sort of as an extension to my memory in the same way as you would buy extra memory for your computer. If I have everything in writing I can't forget it, and I can tick it off when it's done.
Looking on the bright side, Mum & I are going to the local theatre on Monday week, to a concert from the Royal Marines Band, with Simon Weston OBE as the special guest. It should be great. I'd rather go to a concert or musical than a ballet or a play. I like things with a bit of welly to them.
Mum's always trying to get me to go to the theatre (which is only about fifteen minutes walk away), so she's really pleased, and I feel that a night out apart from the birthday trip to McDonalds would be nice. I could go to lots of things, but I'm not keen on mixing much, even with extended family. At least at the theatre I can be anonymous.

I found another blog add on. Here's my MyMe.

I've just put the rabbit in his run on the patio. He's looking a bit bewildered as he hasn't often used it. Still, it will be good for him to stretch his legs paws as I often hear him belting from one end of his hutch to the other, especially in the evenings. My fridge-freezer is in the garage and I need to go out there for drinks and lollies. I drink a lot because of the dry mouth associated with amitriptyline, and I find ice lollies help too.
The shopping trip went ok, but I'm feeling really worn out. I had a big trolley and it was really heavy to push. I mainly bought groceries, but I got a lovely cushion for my bed which is cream fake mongolian(?) fur on one side, and cream fake suede on the other. Also some pint glasses with the England flag on them, vastly reduced. When you drink as much as I do pint glasses are a necessity! Also a Pukka notebook, post it notes (another necessity), etc., etc...
I'm at the computer now because I don't think I'll get much, if any, time on it later. The boys will be wanting it as soon as they get home. Son 2 is coming here straight from school today. Son 1 starts his work experience next week. He's got two weeks - the first in a local sweet shop, and the second in a newsagent's. It seems to be a bit daft as he's only fourteen, but he can't help being one of the youngest in his year. Anyway, when I was fourteen I worked voluntarily in the library during the Summer, and loved it. Well, I'm off to surf and stuff while I have the chance. Toodle oo.
P.S. Just spoke to Son 2 on the phone and he's going to a sleepover tonight, so slightly less urgency to get in computer time. I'm not too bothered that he won't be here today because I saw him yesterday and he'll be here tomorrow - and he said he loved me on the phone in front of his mates!

I slept really well again. I'm not sure whether it's the quietness here, walking up that hill, or the amitriptyline, but I'm sure it's doing me good! Dad went into town yesterday evening to make sure that the DLA form caught the last post collection, so hopefully they'll get it through the system fairly quickly. I was pretty horrified to find that even people with terminal illnesses have to fill in the forms. Surely a letter from their GP or consultant would suffice.
It's a gorgeous sunny day today. Maybe I'll get out in the garden with my camera this afternoon. Then again, with both boys around this weekend I won't see much of the computer, so maybe I should make the most of it today! Anyway, first of all we're going to do the 'big shop'. We're going to Tesco Extra this time rather than Morrison's, so there will be lots of stuff other than food to look at. My boys' birthdays are six weeks apart, in August and September, so I need to start looking for birthday 'stocking fillers'.
After that I suppose it will be time to start thinking about Christmas again. I kkeep telling myself I'm going to be more organised, and with my balance the way it is I'd find the crowds even more difficult than usual, so I want to get everything sorted by the end of November. I can't believe that I'm talking about Christmas in June!

Mum & Dad decided to clear out one of their lofts (attics) today. Along with the usual stuff like suitcases, sports equipment, and old school books, they also unearthed two plastic legs and a plastic hand ..... like you do! I passed the hand to my Dad and said "let me give you a hand Dad"! I couldn't resist it! They must have been old bits of mannequin that were being thrown away when Mum worked in a shop, & presumably she had some use for them at the time.
My dolls came down too, including my 'Teeny Tiny Tears' with the one eye going up and down and the other from side to side. Just typical that I should have a doll like that, considering that a lot of my bits work the wrong way too! I don't remember complaining about her though. I was in hospital at the time and she was the last in the shop, so no doubt Mum told me some story to explain the eyes.
It was good meeting my friend for a chat this afternoon, and then Son 2 was here for tea and for the evening. He'll be here again tomorrow until Sunday night. I'm feeling pretty tired *pause to grab bottle of Lucozade from fridge* and achey this evening. The hill up to my parents' house is a killer - much worse than the one where I lived before, but as my Mum would say - "you can't have the penny and the bun". There is a bus, but it doesn't go the whole way. I think eventually I might have to get one of those electric scooters, but they're very expensive. Well, must go - 'big shop' day tomorrow & I need my beauty sleep - boy, do I need it! TTFN.

When Dad gave me my post this morning I had a load of stuff from the government about my pension! I'm only forty-one! Talk about depressing, especially as we'd only just finished the DLA form! It mentioned retirement, and I effectively retired at the age of 25, unfortunately.
Anyway, I also had a card from one of my schoolfriends. I wrote to tell her that I'd moved and suggested that we meet for a coffee sometime, and she replied and agreed. I've bumped into her in town a few times since I moved back four years ago, but we haven't had a proper chat. So that cheered me up no end!
I'm feeling very guilty about being so lax with my blog visiting. I'm just not getting as much time online as I was before I moved. Hopefully I'll get my laptop next week and then I'll be able to get back to normal. It will be nice to have privacy to blog and email etc.

Today my Thursday Thirteen relates to things I enjoy doing, apart from obviously spending time with my family and friends. So, in no particular order, here goes...

1. Having 'coffee' with a friend.
2. Receiving a letter through the post.
3. Reading a good book, preferably whilst eating toffees!
4. Blogging, of course.
5. Watching a whodunnit mystery on tv.
6. Shopping.
7. Buying handbags.
8. Getting into a freshly-made bed.
9. Being beside the sea.
10. Going to McDonalds.
11. Wandering around flea markets.
12. Getting a bargain.
13. Listening to the birds outside my bedroom window.
    

thursday thirteen

It's a gorgeous day today, but I haven't decided what to do yet. My first priority is to get the DLA form finished, so I'll see what I feel like doing once that's done. I need to do my Thursday Thirteen too. Thirteen of what this week I wonder.....

Well I finally got some computer time! Son 1 has to be hauled off it, so the sharing isn't going too well. Dad & I are planning a trip to PC World on Monday, so hopefully I'll get my laptop then. I can't wait! I've been told that I need 512mb of RAM, but other than that I'm not sure what I want. I'd like to try a Mac, but they seem to be about twice the price of an ordinary laptop so I don't think that will be happening.
I didn't buy anything in the sales this afternoon, but I got some bargains in the Flea Market, & enjoyed shopping with Mum. I bought two commemorative mugs and three books. I've got quite a collection of old commemorative mugs, including one which my step-grandfather used to keep his teeth in! I'm really struggling with that steep hill on the way home from town. With my road sense I'm not sure whether I'd be safe in charge of an electric scooter though! After all, I did nearly go under a lorry on my last driving test!
Mum & I are thinking of going to a concert given by the Royal Marines' band on the 10th July if we can get tickets. The special guest is Simon Weston - the soldier who was so badly burned in the Falklands War. I think he's a real hero, and I love military band music although it's probably not very fashionable. But then, I've never bothered too much about fashion!

I'm feeling ok today. Just the usual aches and pains so far, and I can cope with them. No medical appointments this week - yay! I have two in the first week of July - one for my wisdom tooth, and the other as a follow up to the sigmoidoscopy I had last October. They've cancelled that one at least four times, and yet if I cancelled it more than twice I would be taken off the list. Still on the medical front, it's a good job I got my stick. If I hadn't had it yesterday I would have been weaving about all over the place, and probably would have fallen at least twice.
I'm sleeping much better since I've been here. It is a lot quieter, and no doubt being back on the amitriptyline is helping too. This morning Dad and I are going to attack the DLA form, and this afternoon I'm going to hit the sales with Mum. It's a bit of a grey day at the moment. For myself I don't mind, but it's rotten for the visitors. Well, that's about it for now. Maybe I'll get back online later. Toodle oo.

My dear son just popped in to my room to tell me that he'd vacated the computer, and although I was half asleep I thought I'd make the most of it. I gave him a rendition of the 'Wombles' theme tune too - don't ask! I've been watching tv and/or dozing all evening. Not feeling at my best if the truth be told. The usual stuff, plus a dodgy tummy. The plan for tomorrow is to get the new DLA form filled in, or at least some of it. Dad kept photocopies of the wordy bits, so we should just need to add the new stuff. I don't have anything else planned yet. Anyhow, I'm going to tinker with my blog layout for a while. TTFN.

I'm all shopped out. I didn't buy an awful lot - earrings, toiletries, a pen, etc... I also treated myself to a Raspberry Frescato in the Ottakars Costa Cafe. My plans for the evening are basically to shower, get into my jammies, and watch some tv. I'm really pooped. The hill up here is a killer!

A new look for my blog. Rather grown up I thought. I've also deleted my flower photo posts as I'm changing Flickr accounts and I hate having broken links on my blog. And I found last week's Thursday Thirteen! I've finished on the computer for today I think. I'm just about to have lunch, then I want to put my feet up for a little while before I go into town this afternoon, and Son 1 will want it this evening. Have a good day everybody. See you tomorrow.

I've just found this and realised I forgot to post it last Thursday. Duh...

Today's Thursday Thirteen is a list of things that irritate me:

1. Sticky labels that leave a residue
2. TV chefs who dip their fingers in food, or wipe their noses with their fingers.
3. Impatient people behind me when I'm in town.
4. People who say my move will improve my health.
5. People encroaching on my personal space.
6. Lack of privacy when blogging!
7. Shop assistants who chat to their colleagues when they're meant to be serving you.
8. Lack of chairs in shops for elderly or disabled people.
9. People in call centres who don't know their stuff.
10. Very loud noises.
11. Pretentious people.
12. Rude/impolite people.
    
13. Small toilet cubicles - I can't be the only fat person around here!
    

thursday thirteen

I'm still sleeping better, and I've just got the usual aches and pains, apart from the ones from bending and stretching when I was deadheading the roses. My plans for the day include popping into town at some point to do a couple of errands, apart from that just the usual stuff. I need to get out today though. I stayed in all day yesterday and I'm feeling a bit stir crazy. Thanks for all your comments on my post about my DLA yesterday. It's a sensitive issue, and I appreciate your comments.

I got another Disability Living Allowance (DLA) form today, and I was actually pleased about it! I never thought I'd say that! When it was reviewed last year it was reduced, and I didn't appeal because I couldn't handle it mentally. Then things changed a bit - the (benign) brain tumour being officially diagnosed, trouble with my eyes, my balance going loopy, needing to use a stick, & moving in here.
When I wrote to the DWP to advise them of my change of address I mentioned those things, as it didn't seem fair that my health was worse, but my benefits were less. I'm hoping that the result of filling in this form will be that they will be restored. It's not just the DLA, but my Income Support (IS) was knocked back too because of the DLA being reduced.
I know some people think of people on benefits as being lazy and scrounging off the state, but believe me, if I could be living a 'normal' life, working and looking after my kids, I would be. I would love to be fit and well. I've forgotten what it feels like to have a day without pain, depression, anxiety etc. Not to mention the fact that I sometimes feel like my brain is made of Swiss cheese. My memory is shot to pieces, and I can't walk in a straight line. Apart from that everything's wonderful!
Seriously though, if you are fit and well, spare a thought for those of us who aren't, and whose lives are significantly impaired by physical and/or mental illness. We would love to have some of the problems you have - queues, difficult customers, commuter traffic, etc. I know I'm rambling, but please just think about what I've written...

I had a nice lie-in this morning. I'm tired and achey as always, and I'm feeling the effects of my deadheading yesterday, but I'll live. I've just been doing some dusting, and later on Mum & I are going to sort out the walk in wardrobe off my shower room. She needs to keep some of her stuff in there, but there's room for my stationery, pictures, that kind of thing. I might pop into town later, I'll see how it goes. It's raining quite steadily at the moment, but since we can have a week's weather in one day here, perhaps it will change later.
Just another thought from Maxine...

Well I've managed to wrestle the computer from Son 1's hands again, only because he had to go and shower before bed. To be honest I'm feeling pretty tired myself so I doubt that I'll stay online long. I'm also pretty achey after my exertions this afternoon, but I'll live. I borrowed one of my Dad's Miss Marple dvds this evening and I enjoyed watching that.
There's a lot more to do here than in the flat. I find myself literally taking time to smell the flowers. It's lovely just to sit in the garden with a cold drink and admire it. My parents have a wonderful garden, and at the moment all the roses are in full bloom. There's a gorgeous purple 'old English' rose, which I don't know the name of, but it's beautiful. Also a pale pink peony. I actually really enjoy gardening, as long as I don't have to get my hands too dirty.
When I was gardening earlier I remembered that when I was younger my Dad used to send me out with a bucket, to pull up the daisies in the lawn. It wasn't until fairly recently that I realised that it was just a way of keeping me occupied, and that the daisies didn't need to be pulled up! Maybe it was along the lines of sending someone for a 'long weight', or a tin of elbow grease!
At the moment I don't have any plans for this week, which is nice. Once we get into July I have several medical appointments. I suppose I could pop into the opticians and see about getting glasses made without prisms for after my eye op, and I never have any trouble shopping, or at least browsing. I don't actually buy that much. Anyhow, I'm rambling as usual. Have a good night and a happy week.

I've just deadheaded all the roses in my parents' garden - and boy, there are a lot of them! Actually, deadheading is a bit of an understatement. I got a bit secateur-happy! My back is absolutely killing me, but it's nice to be able to help by doing little things. I actually persuaded Son 1 to do some coursework this morning too, so it's been a productive day. I dread to think what the gardening will do to the fibromyalgia, but I don't know unless I try. I don't think I'll be doing anything very energetic for the rest of the day though.

Another glorious day today. Our visitors from New Zealand have just left. We'd never met them before, but they are really nice. They are relatives of my Godparents. My plan for the day is much the same as any other Sunday. I'll pop into town later, and then will read/watch tv etc.
Before I go out I want to take some more photos of the garden. Mum borrowed my camera the other night and took some amazing sunset photos, despite the fact that she just holds the camera in front of her and clicks, without even looking through the viewfinder!
I'm feeling bad about not bloghopping, but I'm not getting a lot of computer time at the moment. In the week hopefully I'll get more. I'm desperate to get that laptop! But then, you've probably guessed that! Otherwise living here seems to be going ok. My room & ensuite are lovely, and I'm enjoying the beautiful garden and my Mum's cooking. If there are any rows I just go to my room, shut the door, and turn the tv up!

I don't like this computer sharing business. Son 1 seems to be using it a lot more than me, but since he's making graphics and learning HTML I can't really complain. It will all help him if he goes in for graphic design. He's playing golf at the moment, which is why I can get on here. Dad & I have been sussing out laptops, and I hope to get one within the next couple of weeks - definitely before the long school summer holidays!
It will be funny, gaving clung to dial up for so long, and then going from 1mb broadband to 2mb broadband in a few weeks, as we'll have to upgrade in order to be able to run both computers. I'm not sure why, but I'm tied in to AOL for a year now, even if I wanted to leave them, which I don't. I get hardly any spam on my AOL email account - in fact I don't remember the last time I had any. Plus, I'm getting a 'special offer' to upgrade. I know AOL is much-maligned, but I like it.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I did think of going out into the garden and taking some more flower photos, but to be honest, I can't be bothered. I think I'm going to go and lie on my bed and read. It's very hot today, and the walk up the hill when we came back from shopping nearly finished me off. I'll probably let Son 1 have the computer this evening. I think I shall closet myself in my room and read or watch tv. It's crime night on the Discovery Channel - wayhey! I'm loving having Sky again after such a long time.

I finally wrestled the computer from Son 1's grasp - well, got to it before he was fully awake anyway! This computer sharing isn't going too well. I spent most of yesterday afternoon asleep as I had a rotten headache, and the evening reading and watching tv. Today I plan to go into town at some point. It's another gorgeous day today, so maybe I'll go out into the garden and take some more photos.
I think I'm getting on reasonably well living here. I have my own space if I need it, especially if there are any arguments. The computer issue is the only thing I really don't like. Even if I can get Son 1 off the computer I'm still in full view of everyone. I prefer to be private when I'm using the computer. Oh well, I'll get the laptop sorted out soon.

I got the new lights put in my china cabinet yesterday, and Mum put the china back in it last night. She's got a real flair for that sort of thing. Son 2 came over for tea, and for the evening, and it was lovely to see him. I'm feeling ok. In a bit more pain today, but that's my own fault for forgetting to take my night time meds yesterday. I'm going out for a drive and to the supermarket with my Mum and my Uncle this morning. This afternoon we have visitors arriving. I'm missing my computer as I'm not able to get online in the evenings at the moment, but I'm hoping to get my laptop really soon. Dad and I have been researching them online. I'm planning to get an Advent 7095. I will need to upgrade my broadband from 1mb to 2mb, but AOL will do me a 'deal' on that so it won't be that much more expensive. Well, gotta go - my Uncle will be here shortly. TTFN.

I didn't expect to get back online today, but the electrician is wiring up new lights for my china cabinet, so I thought I'd get out of his way. I looked at a few websites this morning comparing various laptop deals. The very cheap ones seem to have 256MB Ram and 40gb hard drive, whereas the more expensive ones (about a hundred pounds more), have 512MB Ram and 60gb hard drive. Since I only want it for email, blogging and surfing the net in private, I wonder whether I need the extra Ram and hard drive. Is there anyone technical out there who knows?
I've also been looking for an adjustable table, the type you see in hospitals. I want one to use so that I can use the laptop in a chair because I want to use a mouse with it, not the touch pad thingy. It would also come in handy if I was really poorly, or if I wanted to use the laptop in bed. I wish I didn't have this hospital appointment this afternoon - I'm not in the mood. Son 2 is supposed to be coming here from school, and I want to put my china back in it's cabinet, so I'm almost certain that I won't be back online today. TTFN.

I slept well again. I think one of the reasons (apart from the amitriptyline!), is that it's so quiet here. I've got an appointment with the orthoptist at the hospital this afternoon. Mum will come with me, and we'll get any shopping we need on the way back. In between times I'm not planning to do an awful lot, just read, watch tv, surf etc.
My mission over the next few days though, is to research laptops. I'm pretty sure now that I won't be able to afford a GBook, so that cuts down the research somewhat. I think Dell are the cheapest, but I've heard good and bad stories about them. Does anyone have any ideas? I also need to find out where I can get an adjustable table that I can use over my chair and bed to put the laptop on. I suppose a medical supplies company is the first place to look.

I found a tiny nest in a plant in the leafy lane between here and the road. I took some photos of it and uploaded them to my Flickr account. Along with some more flower photos. I had a nice time shopping with Mum, despite the fact that I nearly fell over several times. I'm not sure whether it was balance or not picking my feet up properly, but it certainly was voluntary!
I doubt very much that I'll be online any more tonight. By the time it gets to ten o'clock I'm not really in the mood. I'm eager to start pricing up laptops though. I'm still hankering after a GBook(?), but I don't want to spend a fortune on it, so it will more likely be an ordinary PC. Anyhow, I'm off to put my feet up for a while. Toodle oo.

I got another good night's sleep. I'm feeling pretty good - just the usual aches and pains at the moment. Hiking back up the hill after I've been shopping is tiring me out, but I suppose fresh air and exercise are good for me - although I'm not totally convinced!
Huge apologies for not getting around to read people's blogs. What with the move and everything I just haven't managed it. I'm not getting online as much as I'd like to. I can usually get some time during the day, but Son 1 doesn't go to bed until 10pm, and by that time I'm either too tired or asleep!I hope I can get that laptop soon. I want privacy when I'm online. I have nothing to hide, but I really don't want to blog etc., with other people around.
Tomorrow I have another appointment with the orthoptist. She's given me a double appointment. I shouldn't think it will be any big deal as I've decided to have the surgery, but she might want to talk about some of the things the opthalmologist brought up. Anyway, that's it for now. TTFN!

I slept like a log again. I think it's partly amitriptyline and partly relief that I've moved! I'm meeting my friend for coffee this morning, in Ottakar's Costa again. Frescatos here I come! I'm tired (physically) and achey, but back to 'normal'. I walked all round the garden last night and took a load of photos. I'll upload some of them to Flickr later today.
I plan to potter a bit this afternoon. Maybe take some more photos, surf the net a bit, read or watch tv. I've promised to help Son 1 organise and tidy up his sitting room later, so maybe I'll make a start on that. I'll see how I feel. Walking up the hill on the way home is a bit much for me, so I'll probably have to work some rest into my plan somewhere. Anyway, must dash. Toodle oo.

The weather improved so I managed to get out in the garden and take some photos after all. I'll post some if they're good enough. Tomorrow I'll try and take some photos of my room. I'm feeling pretty tired and achey, and I've got a 'Midsomer Murders' that Dad recorded for me, so I'll be off to have a shower and then to bed fairly soon. TTFN.

I slept nine hours last night! Bliss! I'm still achey, but feeling much better since I went back on the amitriptyline. I really love my new bed(sitting)room and shower room. I will try and post some photos later. I signed up with Flickr again last night. I don't know whether I'll be able to take any photos of the garden as it's dull and raining, but we do get all kinds of weather in one day here, so you never know. One thing I'm really enjoying is listening to the birdsong. Where I was living before I really only got the sound of seagulls squawking.
I can't get over how fast the broadband is. I only really changed so that the internet wouldn't interfere with my parents' phone. I thought "what do I need broadband for?" but it's great, especially for downloading things. The plan for the day is that there's no plan yet. There are some tv men coming to tune in my tv and dvd/vcr, and an electrician coming to see what lighting I want put in my china cabinet. I may amble into town at some point. I'm not sure yet. Would you believe it? In the time I've been typing this post the weather has changed dramatically. The rain has stopped & it's getting much brighter.

It's been quite a day. I left the flat at nine thirty and pottered around the town, then arrived here at one thirty, and my room was ready, and looking lovely. I'll take some photos tomorrow to show you. I lay on my bed earlier and the traffic was a very distant hum, and I could hear church bells and birdsong. 'My' bit of garden is looking great too, and I'm looking forward to spending some time out there.
The only casualty seems to have been the handle off a big vase, but I only bought it to hide plug sockets anyway, so I'm not terribly attached to it. There haven't been any major arguments so far, and apparently the boys were very helpful with moving the stuff - which was actually finished by midday! I'm so glad that it's all sorted and I'm here. I have my Sky tv in my room, which is great. There are some men coming tomorrow to tune in my dvd/vcr and my own tv.
I also have broadband! It took a couple of goes to get it set up, but I got there in the end. I'm really pleased with it. I can't believe how fast everything loads! I must have spent days waiting for things to load when I was on dial up! I'm posting from Son 1's sitting room. Typical teenage boy, his stuff is a mess. I think I'm going to have to help him sort it out. There are leads and plugs and cables everywhere. I've just spent ages looking for the lead belonging to the camera, so that I can upload some photos tomorrow.
Healthwise things are better. I'm back on the full dose of amitriptyline now, and have had two decent night's sleep. I'm still tired and achey, but the really bad pain has gone - yay! Mentally I'm still feeling pretty good about things. As long as there aren't too many arguments between Son 1 & my Dad, and my Mum doesn't try to organise me too much, I should get on fine. My meds seem to be doing the trick most of the time now, as long as I remove myself from situations which I find very stressful, like arguments for instance.
My ex-husband came earlier with his youngest son, to collect Son 2. I came down to see them because I hadn't seen the little boy since he was about two and he's four now. He was playing with the rabbit, and unfortunately Dad discovered just now that the rabbit had weed on the settee! Seeing the ex doesn't bother me at all now, but I don't think we're ever going to be friendly again, unfortunately. Being civil is about as far as it goes.
Anyhow, it's nearly time for bed. I fell asleep in the chair earlier. I'm only tired from walking around town though. I haven't done much in the way of moving things. I bought a couple of true crime magazines today, so I think I'll go to bed and read, as soon as I've typed a couple of emails and looked for somewhere to post my photos. TTFN!

Well, this will probably be my last post from the flat. I've told Mum that Dad and one or t'other of the boys can take the computer, plus the tv etc., any time after six. Mum will be coming down at some point to finish defrosting the freezer, and do some other stuff. I've just been packing up everything I can manage without until tomorrow. I think tea might be tinned fruit and bread and butter, but I had a big lunch so I'm not even thinking about food at the moment.
Hopefully I'll be blogging from my new (old?) home by tomorrow evening, but I may have to fight Son 1 for the computer! I think my computer time will probably be during school hours or after he goes to bed! I'm looking forward to having broadband. I've had a couple of 'new home' cards. The friend I see on Thursdays sent me a housewarming present of some catnip toys for the kitten I'm planning to get!
At the moment I'm feeling pretty calm about the move. I'm glad I won't be around to watch all the furniture shifting. I feel so frustrated, and guilty that I can't help with things like that. I'm going into town, and have been told to come back when it's all over! Most of the 'stuff' has gone already, and it should be mainly furniture tomorrow.
As for 'losing my independence', well, it's hard to be independent when you need help with a lot of things. I will have a lock on my bedsitting room door, and my own shower room. And I'll be much more comfortable at my parents bungalow. It's in a much nicer area, has a beautiful garden, is much quieter, and I'll see more of family and friends. Plus I can get a kitten! Seriously, I'm going to try my hardest to make this work out well for all of us.
So, hopefully I will 'see' you tomorrow or Monday. If I'm away longer, don't worry as it will just be technical problems. Have a good weekend, or at least the rest of it. TTFN!

I found this on my Bible reading site Word For Today this morning and thought it was rather good. Very pre-War in attitude, but it's one of those quotes that makes you think.

Buckle right in with a bit of a grin,
Take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing
As you tackle the thing
That 'cannot be done,' and you'll do it.

Almost eight hours sleep - woohoo! Good old amitriptyline! I'm still in pain but it's eased a bit. The plan for today is to meet Mum at her church's Summer fete and do a bit of shopping. Then the fridge-freezer needs defrosting. I've got Mum's ancient Seventies coolbox to keep my cold drinks cold overnight.
Mum, Dad & the boys will be down this evening to disconnect the computer, tv, and dvd/vcr and take them away, plus all my books. The books will be a car load on their own I should think. There are eleven boxes full, all labelled with bookcase and shelf number! I'll be left with just the bare necessities for tonight. I plan to go to bed early and watch tv as that tv will stay until tomorrow.
My Uncle, my cousin's husband, my parents and the boys will be doing the physical moving. A lot of my stuff has already gone up and been sorted out and put away. Mum is an old hand at moves, as I've said before. To be honest, having moved six times in two years between 1999 and 2001 (two moves were temporary ones to my parents), my belongings have been fined down quite substantially. Moving that often you don't move what you don't either need or love.
I will be offline from this evening until hopefully just tomorrow evening or Monday sometime, if the connection to broadband goes ok. It should be a case of just plugging it in, but I've heard that before! This computer will officially be Son 1's from tonight, and will be in his sitting room, which is just off the kitchen, so not much privacy, but I hope to get my laptop soon.

That was a hectic evening. A visit from both the boys, followed by Mum packing up some stuff, and Mum and Dad taking a car load of stuff away. I'm sitting here in just the bare bones of the place really. My computer, main tv, dvd/vcr etc. will go tomorrow night, then the furniture and fridge-freezer on Sunday. I'm not too bothered about the move now it's here. I've had quite a long time to get used to the idea, and anyway, I'm better at dealing with things when they become inevitable.
Anyway, I haven't really been following Big Brother 7 (UK) much, but I'm almost sorry that Grace is going tonight. I know she's been bitchy, but I don't know if I can stand much more of Nikki's poor me, little girl, whiney, cry-baby tantrums, and her open-mouthed hurt faces. Aargh! I think the programme started going downhill after series two to be honest. They've introduced too many different elements, and the whole point of the show seems to have been lost.

I'm not afraid of getting old. I'm afraid of not getting old.

It's not been my best day ever physically. Rather worryingly, my balance went loopy again this morning, and I was only sitting at the computer. It improved, but was still not right when I was in town with Mum, and when I got back I felt giddy/nauseous and have spent most of the afternoon asleep. I still feel a bit iffy, and the pain from yesterday has eased a bit but is still there.
I've just packed up and sorted out some more stuff that I can manage without until Sunday. I'm not sure if Mum & Dad will be down to collect it tonight, or whether the boys will be down. I'll ring Mum later. I don't know what I shall do this evening. I don't feel up to much, quite honestly. Hopefully I'll manage some computer time at some point.

I slept ok, despite forgetting to take my meds until the early hours. The pain is less than it was yesterday evening, thank goodness, but still very definitely there. The plan for today is to meet my Mum this morning to go shopping, then the boys will be down this evening. In between times I'll just potter and try to rest a bit.
Only two days until the move now. I'm feeling quite good about it at the moment, which is just as well I suppose! There will be a lot of advantages to the move, but obviously it's not easy giving up your independence and your own front door, especially with my health the way it is, and not knowing whether this will be forever.
On a lighter note, here's another Maxine quote for you.

It was nice having Son 2 here for a few hours. His black hairdo doesn't look too bad now he has a tan - in fact he's quite a good looking little chap, and so's his brother! Dad's just fetched him and a load of boxes. Things seem to be going ok on the moving front at the moment. Mum has it planned like a military operation, but then when I was little we moved every two and a half to three years until I was eleven, so she's had plenty of practice.
I'm feeling pretty lousy. The pain has cranked up considerably, in fact I can't think of one part of me that doesn't hurt at the moment, except maybe my ears, but only the outside bits - I have mild earache. I also have a headache. I can't see the point in taking the painkillers because they don't actually take the pain away, so I have three options - distraction, valium (I'll still have the pain but won't mind as much!), or sleep. I haven't quite decided yet!
I wish I could explain the pain to people who don't have fibromyalgia. It's a bit like feeling like a giant bruise whilst having a headache all over, whilst feeling like I've been kicked in various places. I'm not a wimp. I've had two kids, and one birth was horrendous, a hysterectomy, a lumbar puncture, and nine tattoos (seven of which I had done in one day)!
By the way, talking of pain(!), I've got an appointment to see about my wisdom tooth removal in a couple of weeks or so. I said to Mum that I thought I'd try and get him to take them all out, and she thought I meant all my teeth! I just meant all my wisdom teeth, as I don't want to have to go through four separate extractions if they are decayed too. Plus I'm going to tell him that I'd rather have it/them out under a general anaesthetic.
My teeth actually look fine from the front - straight, not white, more like ivory. I've had fillings in most teeth though, including the front ones though, and have crowns and a couple of gaps. No idea why - my brother's teeth are near perfect and we had the same amount of sweets as kids and the same diet, and I'd started with the fillings then.

I had a nice time with my friend this morning. We're never short of conversation. Mum and I didn't do much shopping. We came back here, had lunch, and then boxed up loads of stuff, including all my books. Mum did most of the lifting etc., but I helped as much as I could. Dad is going to collect some boxes when he comes down to give Son 2 a lift home. I'm feeling pretty tired and very achey, but otherwise ok.

I so identify with this one!

For today's Thursday Thirteen, prompted by my move on Sunday, here are thirteen things I 'must' have in my new room.

1. My recliner.
2. My china cabinet.
   
3. All my books.
4. Framed photographs of family & friends.
5. Soft toys (especially my Eeyore, favourite teddies and cats).
6. Television (with Sky when I move) - woohoo!
7. My Tiffany style lamps.
8. My laptop - when I buy it!
9. Pens & post-it notes - my memory is not what it once was!
10. iPod Shuffle.
11. My kitten (when I get him/her)!
12. My cat ornaments.
13. Pictures & knick-knacks - I'm no minimalist!
    

thursday thirteen

I slept better last night, thank goodness. The pain hasn't lessened yet, but I expect it will take a bit longer and/or more tablets to help that. Only 3 days until the move - *gulp*! I'm still feeling pretty stressed, but I'm not going to pop the valium unless I really have to. Talking of which, I was embarrassed to find that valium was the biggest word on my tag cloud - and this post isn't going to have helped!
I shouldn't be offline for long when I move, hopefully no more than a couple of days, and when I get back online we should have broadband - yay! I may have to be slightly more guarded with my posts while I'm sharing the computer, in case anyone looks over my shoulder, as it will be in Son 1's sitting room, which is right off the kitchen, but hopefully I'll get my laptop pretty soon.
The plan for today is to meet my friend for coffee this morning, then meet Mum to do some shopping. Son 2 will probably be here for tea and for the evening. Other than that it will be just the usual stuff. TV, pottering online, reading, etc. I'm a creature of habit!

I am stressed, exhausted and in a lot of pain. The stress is caused by family tensions. I don't really want to say more than that in public. I suppose the stress of the move is getting to us all in different ways. I feel like once it's all sorted and I'm there I'll want to sleep for at least a week. The main thing I'm dreading is (unnecessary) arguments. I realise that we aren't all going to agree all the time, but there's reason in everything.
I've taken my amitriptyline tablet along with everything else, and I'm hoping for a better night's sleep. I couldn't really have a worse one than I had last night, or the night before. Hopefully the pain will ease soon too. It's pretty bad, and even the strong painkillers don't help much, so why bother taking them? Anyway, I'm off to bed to read for a little while before I fall asleep. TTFN.

I know I'm always saying that I'm pooped, but I really am! I can't handle two trips into town these days. Anyway, I'm just going to have a bit of a surf then get something to eat before Son 1 comes down. Mum & Dad will be down later to collect another carload of my stuff. Only four days to go...

Just another word from Maxine...

Well, that went as expected. I'm going back on the amitriptyline right away. It will only take me a few days to get back to the full dose. So dentures for me then - lol! Joking aside, I have the start of gum disease because of the dry mouth that is a side effect of the amitriptyline. Gum disease makes teeth fall out, and my teeth aren't in great shape anyway. So maybe I shall end up grinning from a glass!
I'm staying on the Neurontin. My doctor doesn't think much of it but it seems to be helping the neuralgia and he's quite happy for me to take them both. I also double checked on the blood test results. They were all normal, and my lithium level is now 0.7 which is right in the middle of the normal range. I'm pleased about that as it has been a bit low recently. I also made it clear to him that I take very few of the strong painkillers, and that I haven't been taking many Valium either. He said he could tell from my records that I hadn't had any prescribed for quite a while.
When I was on my way to the doctor's surgery there was a woman in front of me weaving all over the pavement. Then she fell over. She said she needed her asthma spray but wasn't at all breathless or wheezy. Personally I think she either has a serious balance problem or was very drunk. I tend towards the second theory but didn't get close enough to smell her breath. Anyway, two or three men arrived so I left them to pick her up and sort her out. The reason I was watching her was that she had a really tiny Yorkshire Terrier with her.
I got my shopping done so I'm pleased about that. If I do go into town with Mum this afternoon I won't be going too far, but I do have a repeat prescription to hand in at Superdrug. Being dim, I forgot that I could have asked the doctor for a prescription and got it done quicker. Duh! Well, Mum will be here just after twelve. In the meantime I'm going to have a bit of a surf. It won't take me long to prepare her Pot Noodle!

After a very bad night in terms of both pain and lack of sleep, it suddenly occurred to me that this flare up might have something to do with coming off the amitriptyline, as that's what I was taking it for. If it's a choice between serious gum problems or awful pain and no sleep, well there's no contest. I can't live like this for more than a few days. Anyhow, I've made an appointment with my doctor for later this morning. Hopefully he will suggest something - probably going back on the amitriptyline.
While I'm in town I'll try and get most of the things I need to get today, in case I don't feel able to go shopping with Mum this afternoon. She's coming here for lunch after her stint at the church coffee bar. She's requested a Pot Noodle for lunch as she's never had one before and she knows that Son 1 & I like them! Talking of whom, he should be down this evening. I think he'll be pleased with my new Queen CD. The Jam one that I ordered wasn't what I thought it was, but I haven't listened to it yet so I might be pleasantly surprised. I loaded them both onto iTunes last night, and the Queen CD is all ready and waiting on my Shuffle.
I was a bit disappointed to find that most of the other templates on the site that I got this one from don't work. They seem to have images missing, and since you can't edit the CSS you're a bit snookered. I'll just have to keep looking. I do like this template though. Nice and summery, a good sized sidebar, and a font big enough to read. Oh, and a white background, which I find much easier on the eyes.

I slept for two and a half hours earlier in the evening, which is just as well because I was in a lot of pain despite all the medication. It's eased a little bit now, but not much. Hopefully it's 'just' a fibromyalgia flare-up. From my neck down to just above the bottom of my ribs is very sore, and of course lying on it doesn't help at all. I'm going to try to stay up a bit longer. I don't want to be waking up at 3.30am again. I could have a lie-in tomorrow, but I'm not good at lying in at the moment. I never am in the Summer.
Only five days until the move. I'm apprehensive about it all, but not as wound up as I thought I would be. I won't have much to do with the actual move on Sunday. I've been told to go into town and not go home to my parent's house until it's all done. I can't do anything to help and Mum knows I'll flap. We've already discussed where all the furniture will go and the boxes of books will all be labelled with the shelf number and which bookcase they're to go in. The china cabinet won't be filled up again for a few days as I'm having extra lighting put into it. I shall be glad when I'm there now.

The good news is that all the blood tests were normal. The bad news is that I still feel like s*** squared. My back and neck have been giving me hell. I've just taken my usual teatime tablets plus two strong painkillers, one valium, & two anti-diarrhoea tablets (just in case)! I shall probably slide off my chair totally comatose in a minute.
Dad was here for a couple of hours this afternoon. He left at four o'clock and I had a quick shower and got into one of my very glamorous (not!) ankle-length nighties. At least if I need to collapse into bed I'll be all ready to. I suppose I really ought to have some tea, but I had my main meal at lunch time and I'm not hungry. I'm drinking loads so I expect I'll survive.

I've just rediscovered the joys of eBay, after finally remembering my password! I'm thinking of starting a collection of old postcards. I love social history & if I start a new collection I need to collect something that doesn't take up much space. I remember buying a few vintage postcards in my late teens, and being fascinated by their messages and history. The only source I can find locally, in the flea market, charges £1 a postcard, and I can't afford that.

I love playing with dollmakers - they take me back to my childhood and paper dolls. This one is supposed to look like me, although I wish I was that slim! I made her at Josie's Dollz.

I'm feeling relieved to have found a source of good blog templates. I can fiddle around and make my own, but maybe that time would be better spent blogging, or bloghopping. I'm doing a bit of that right now. Get well soon Cheryl. Happy Blog Birthdays to Karen (5th) & Doris (1st)!
I can't remember when I first started blogging, but I reckon it must have been around four years ago. In that time I reckon I've had at least thirty blogs. I don't know why I've felt the need to move so much. Maybe it's the OCD. I really didn't plan to move this time, but the set up I had was getting too much for me, and why pay for something you're struggling with? I like Blogger. It has an awful lot going for it.
I started keeping a paper diary when I was fourteen. My first diary was a Snoopy one (I love Snoopy!). I carried on for around twenty years, then just binned the lot. I don't really regret it. Blogging seems like a natural progression, but in a more social way.
I do use my blog as a diary though, and writing is how I get things out of my system. I'm not a confrontational person these days, so I tend to button my lip and then spill it all out in my blog. I know some people find my numerous health posts a bit boring, but again, I need to get things off my chest, and there are very few people who want to hear about it all.

I woke up at 3.30am in quite a lot of pain. I lay in bed for another hour watching television, then realised that I wasn't going to get back to sleep. The seagulls were doing a pre-dawn chorus this morning, which didn't help matters. I'm not far from the river here and I'm sure they must nest around here, presuming seagulls do nest? Fortunately I was asleep by 10.30pm so I got five hours sleep.
Health-wise I'm still hurting a lot, but I daren't take painkillers on top of not much sleep. I'm feeling spaced out enough already! I'm just waiting for it to get to 6am, then I'll go and have a shower, and maybe that will help. Otherwise things are much as usual - unfortunately! My eyes are playing up a bit, especially when I'm watching tv for some reason. I'm also finding that sometimes when I look at people I get a 'ghosting' effect like you do on tv.
I'm going shopping with my Mum this morning, then Dad will be down this afternoon as Mum has her house group. Other than that I'll just be pottering, or catching up on some rest or even sleep maybe. I don't mind early mornings in the Summer, but 3.30am is taking it a bit far! *Yawn*.
Here's another Maxine cartoon for you.

I've found a good source of Blogger templates, called Blogger Templates, which has templates far nicer than any I could make myself, hence the change. I just need to tweak the sidebar a bit. I'm really achey today, and pretty tired, so I don't plan to do much this evening other than potter online, read or watch tv.

Well, that's a few more change of addresses done - four in person, and two by letter. I found a silky cushion in Superdrug! It's in gunmetal and shot burgundy, and it's actually quite nice, and it was only £1.59! It's amazing what you can find in the most unexpected places if you keep your eyes open.
I've just figured out that the printer works better when you turn it on - duh! It's playing up at the moment, since I put a new ink cartridge in. Oh well, soon it will be my son's problem, and it's certainly better than his current printer. I can't wait to get my laptop. I've wanted one for ages. I'm still debating Mac or Windows. Gosh, I just talked nicely to the printer and it started working. I've heard of talking to plants, but talking to printers?

I was awake at sparrow fart, but still managed about eight hours sleep altogether, so I can't complain. Today I need to go to the bank and a few other places to change my address. I also need to do a few personal change of address letters. There are a few little piles of things off my pin board and out of my 'letter' rack to sort out, but I don't know if I can be bothered to do that today.
I'm in quite a lot of pain at the moment. More than I am usually. I really don't want to start taking painkillers during the day unless I absolutely have to though. I'm dopey enough already! The results of my blood tests should be back tomorrow afternoon. I have no idea what is likely to show up, if anything. My lithium levels are usually ok, in fact they're on the low side, despite the fact that I'm taking a whacking dose of it. It's nothing to do with the fact that I'm overweight apparently, I asked the doctor.
My phone bill is mounting up this month, with all the extra phone calls to the doctor and dentist for starters. Oh well, it will be my last one. Obviously I'll be able to use my parents' phone, but won't have my own line. There doesn't seem much point as I don't like talking to people on the phone anyway, and usually 90% of my phone calls are to my parents. I'll probably buy myself a new mobile once I get settled in. I quite like texting people.
Another Maxine cartoon for you. She just cracks me up!

Son 1 came down this evening. He was in irritating mode, but we still had quite a nice time. I've taken two medium strength painkillers, which haven't helped much, and a valium, which has at least blurred the edges. Talking of blurred, my left eye has been a bit odd today. I'm hoping it's just a floater. My back and neck are playing up, as well as the usual stuff. I think I'll head off to bed in a bit. I'm pretty tired. Maybe I'll get up again later, but as my eyelids are feeling really heavy, I somehow doubt it. Toodle oo.

I've been sitting here for three and a half hours without moving, so I thought the Maxine cartoon below was appropriate! I spent ages working on one blog design, then decided to come back to this layout and just change colour. I think Snoopy will be moving when I find something to replace him with. I haven't taken any tablets yet - yay! I think it's about time I moved around a bit & ate something and showered etc. I might do some more blog tweaking later. It takes my mind off everything else that's going on because I have to concentrate.

The bad pain eased off fairly quickly so I'm just back to the 'normal' stuff. So much for retail therapy. I walked all round town and came home with a loaf of bread, a bottle of water and a bottle of Lucozade! I've just stuck my iPod Shuffle on for some musical therapy, and am planning to redesign my blog (creative therapy) this afternoon. I think I might pop both valium and painkillers (it's safe enough) and see what happens, so it may turn out to be a bit psychedelic!

In one week's time I move from my rented flat, back in with my parents. This is because my flat is being sold, I can't get anything else for the housing benefit I receive, and the council don't want to know, despite the fact that I've been on the council housing list for over two years. Given my current state of health, it's probably a good idea anyway. Here are some of my current thoughts.
7 more days until:
I'm living with Son 1 again.
I'm seeing much more of Son 2 (alternate weekends etc.)
I don't have to put up with my nasty neighbours anymore
I don't have a horrid electricity key.
I get Sky tv!
We get broadband!
I get my own ensuite shower room.
I no longer have my own front door.
I'm no longer 'independent'.
I have company all the time - if I want it.
I won't be on my own when I feel ill.
I won't have to clamber in and out of the bath to have a shower.
I will be living totally above ground!
I will have my own bit of garden.
That's enough for now. Maybe I'll come up with some more later in the week.

Pain - oww! Surprisingly I slept better than usual. I still woke up in pain but the valium seemed to cushion me from it a bit. I slept a bit longer too. I currently have sick-making pain from under my ribs around my stomach, right through to my back. I can see me spending today spaced out on valium and painkillers! Actually that doesn't sound too bad! I hardly ever take the strong painkillers, or the valium come to that, but I'm right at the end of my tether physically. If the blood tests show anything else I think I'll just sit down and cry.
Anyway, I'll go into town for a while this morning, and have a read, nap or rest this afternoon, and Son 1 will be down this evening. My parents have some long term family friends unexpectedly visiting today, and I would like to see them, but I want to make the most of still having my own place while I've got it, and also I don't want to see my 'suite'(!) until it's finished. Just one week to go, and I'll come to that in my next post.....

Son 1 was good company this evening. I'm afraid I probably wasn't. I resorted to a valium tablet and dozed off a few times. We both enjoyed watching a Lenny Henry programme though. Well, I'm feeling pretty crappy, so I'm off to bed, to read or watch tv, or, more likely, sleep the sleep of the heavily medicated! TTFN.

I'm feeling guilty for getting grumpy with my Mum. I'm a bit stressed today. The reality of the move is sinking in too. Physically I'm tired and in pain, and my tummy's playing up, so not at my best by a long way. I'm just off to get some tea, and then collapse in front of the television. Son 1 will be here soon, and wanting the computer I expect.

I'm knackered. Dad & I have spent hours on the change of address letters. We did the more complicated ones today. There was also banking stuff to do, and getting AOL sorted out. We accomplished a lot. I still have some personal change of addresses to do, and have to go to the bank etc., but I'm getting there. I'm getting a surprise visit from Son 2 in a minute (yay!), then will be going shopping with Mum later, and then Son 1 will be down this evening. Phew!

I did pretty well yesterday evening. I got quite a few letters done, a few emails, and sorted out all the computer related stuff for Dad/Son 1, plus threw some out of date things out. Unfortunately the gilt was slightly taken off the gingerbread by getting an email from AOL, telling me that since the broadband is set up (it isn't), if I use dial up they will charge me per minute. *Gulp*. It's a good job we're ringing them today. Why do these big companies say they'll do one thing and then do something else. Don't they think we'll notice?
Apart from that I'm still feeling much the same physically, and a bit more stressed than usual mentally. I would take a valium tablet but they turn my brain to mush, and make me sleepy, which wouldn't help this morning. Eight days to the move now. I'll be glad when it's happened and everything is sorted, but I'm still slightly apprehensive about it all. Well, off to do some more letters and sorting out. TTFN!

I am so a happy bunny. I went to change my address on my Nectar card, and found that I had enough points to 'buy' two CD's which I've been thinking about downloading from iTunes. Two collections, one of Queen, and the other of The Jam. My boys already like Queen, and I want to see if they like The Jam. *Does a happy dance*.

Somebody tell me why if you've got online banking and you can pay bills, cancel direct debits, and even request an overdraft, you can't change your address?

I forgot to mention, one of the blood tests is for calcium, which I'm really pleased about. Having had my ovaries removed during my hysterectomy in 2001, and having to come off HRT because it sent my blood pressure up, I've been a bit worried about whether it would affect my bones. I'm supposed to be on the waiting list for a bone scan, since I saw the rheumatologist eighteen months or so ago, but apparently it's a long list.

I'm still feeling pretty achey. Also rather stressed - child-related, and nothing too awful - but if you've got them you worry about them! I'm trying to persuade myself to get on and do some more change of address letters. Dad is coming down in the morning to help me with some of the trickier ones. Thank goodness for word processors! We also have to ring AOL. I like them as an ISP, but they are impossible to get any sense out of by email. I'm trying to upgrade to broadband and move house at the moment. They haven't got the hang of it yet! I give them the ID, then Dad talks to them. I find it difficult to talk to people on the phone, plus my memory is crap these days & I get confused. I blame the meds - lol!
Anyway, maybe I'll do some letters. Although I move next weekend my rent is paid until the end of the month so that Mum can clean through etc., & I've set up mail redirection, so there's no major rush. As you probably know, my upstairs neighbours haven't been very nice to me, so if the fact that I'm moving out next week and the sale won't be able to go through until July irritates them - tough! Every time my parents load up the car with stuff the woman from upstairs pops out like a cuckoo from a clock to see what's happening!

The blood test I had this morning was the first I've ever had that I didn't feel at all. I should get the results of the tests on Tuesday afternoon. I've done all my shopping and am absolutely pooped. I'm going to have some lunch and then go and have a rest or maybe even a nap. I'm really achey and my ankles are a bit swollen, as well as the other stuff. Nice to have a full fridge though, and plenty of ice and soft drinks.

I was going to blog last night but couldn't get Blogger to work. Anyway, yesterday evening was quite hectic, but everyone turned up as expected. Son 2 had been to the county show with school, and won a toy dog, which he gave to me. I was really touched. He's not the demonstrative type these days. I didn't feel too good yesterday evening. I had a session of nausea and a bout of trigeminal neuralgia. I spoke to my niece on the phone. It was her 8th birthday yesterday. I gave her a book and an autograph book. She thanked me for the book, and the awfulgraph book! I had to laugh!
I'm feeling much as usual today. Pretty blah. I have to go and have a load of blood tests this morning. Well, one needle, several tubes, you know what I mean. I'm being tested for some things I don't even understand! Then I'm going out with my parents to do a 'big shop'. I can't get up much enthusiasm for food at the moment, but I'm drinking loads, and eating fruit juice ice lollies.
I want to get some things for my Dad for Father's Day too. He likes his sweets and snacks, so I'm going to make him up a parcel of that kind of thing. He's also very slim. I only eat about one meal a day, usually something fairly healthy, and I'm twice his size. Not fair! I wonder if I stopped taking all my tablets I'd lose weight? I'm not about to though.

Baby rapist gets sentence extended
The sentence was extended all right, by two years, to life imprisonment being a minimum of eight years! Eight years! He should be locked up and the key thrown away. Has the world gone mad? This is just sickening.

Well I shopped til I dropped but I got a lot of stuff I needed, and enjoyed 'coffee' with my friend. I met Mum to do some grocery shopping too. I bumped into my landlord in town and he 'might' be down to collect the rent this evening. Son 2 is 'supposed' to be coming here for tea, but I've heard nothing from him. Mum and Dad are definitely coming down later to collect some more of my stuff, but they have a birthday tea for my niece first, so can't be sure what time they'll be here. I'm confused! I'm not good without definite arrangements. I think it's the OCD.
I'm pretty tired and achey, but I don't have to do much for the rest of the day. I've had my shower and changed, and I'm just about to get myself something to eat as I haven't eaten today yet. And no, that's not why I'm feeling poorly. I just don't have a very good appetite these days. Well, must be off. Toodle oo.

I'm a happy blogger. I've managed to visit all but one of the people on my blogroll, and left a comment on each blog. The other one I will visit later. I'm now off to make myself beautiful, (ha ha), and then head into town to buy some boring stuff, like stamps etc., before I meet my friend for coffee. TTFN.

I'm in more pain, but still have less nausea. I have to admit to starting to stress out about the move. I'd be very tempted to take a valium, but I don't want to mess up the blood tests tomorrow, especially as I hardly ever take the valium. I don't take the painkillers very often either, mainly because the only ones that help much make me feel so sleepy.
I suppose it's natural to be a bit apprehensive about moving back in with your parents at my age, especially since I moved out nineteen years ago. I have spent a few weeks there in between moves a couple of times, but that's about it. It will be lovely to be living with at least one of my children (and both on alternate weekends) though. I've only got one bedroom here and have only been able to have them overnight on one or two occasions and then sleeping on the floor.
I find it difficult that I need help with certain things, but receiving it makes me feel like a kid. I imagine it's something that a lot of disabled people feel at times. I get a bit crabby about it at the moment, which isn't really fair on my parents. Hopefully things will even out after a while.

My Thursday Thirteen this week consists of thirteen memorable moments in my life. I mean memorable in a 'good' way.

1. The births of my sons. (I'm cheating a bit here as that should be two!)
   
2. My wedding day.
3. Becoming a born-again Christian.
4. Buying my first house.
5. Getting to my target weight after losing 7 stone.
6. Meeting my ex-fiancee for the first time.
7. Passing my 11-plus.
8. Getting my O Level results.
9. My first date with my ex-husband.
10. Getting an article published in a magazine.
11. Becoming a divisional officer in the St John (Ambulance Brigade).
12. Becoming a Special Constable.
13. Starting my first diary, aged fourteen.

P.S. I'm long divorced, and finished with the ex-fiancee. I gave up the St John just after I got married. I lasted a couple of days as a Special Constable as I had to register disabled. I only wore my uniform once, and never got out to do anything. I've also put the weight back on.

thursday thirteen

Mum & I didn't go shopping this afternoon as planned. Instead we sorted out some bathroom stuff. It's very sensible to be packing things up bit by bit, but a bit disconcerting as things keep disappearing. Then I lay on my bed reading for the rest of the afternoon. The main reason for staying in was that I felt tired and in quite a lot of pain after this morning's outing. I've just had meds, a shower and some tea, and I'm going to grab another hour or so's lying down time before Son 1 arrives. I think I'll be ready for bed by the time he leaves. He can be very Tigger-ish!

I felt like a twit in the post office. My writing is a bit shaky these days and the lady couldn't read it, then I'd made a couple of mistakes and she didn't know if I would have to do it again! Fuss, fuss, fuss! Anyhow, my mail redirection is sorted. I enjoyed 'coffee' with my friend. We went somewhere I hadn't been before, and sat on a very squidgy leather sofa. I got a couple of things done afterwards then came home to a pile of post. Why does the district council need evidence of my last rent payment before they will let me go? Do they want to go on paying me housing benefit or something? Anyhow, Mum will be here for lunch soon. I cheated and bought her a sandwich in town. Must be off.

I was awake for ages, so didn't have my best night's sleep ever. I'm feeling very achey/sore and a bit nauseous, and my tummy's not too happy either. I'm drinking loads in the hope that that might help. Mum's coming here for lunch and then we'll go into town. I need to set up mail redirection for three months. I daren't just hope that the new owners (upstairs neighbours) will redirect my post, considering they nicked my recycling box and have been putting it out, still with my label on it, full of their stuff! That's the least of it really. They just want me out, and they have been lots of little things.
I move on Father's Day, in eleven day's time. I can't wait. I do have some reservations about moving back in with my parents at the age of 41, but not many. They still live in the bungalow I lived in from the age of 11 until I got married at 22, so it really is moving home. I'm finding it progressively more difficult to cope living on my own at the moment too.
I will have the master bedroom which is big enough to get most of my furniture in as well as my bed. It also has an ensuite shower room. It will be wonderful to have a shower cubicle instead of having to climb in and out of the bath to have a shower. I will eat the main meal with the family, and look after the animals and help with standing up gardening and hopefully a bit of cooking, health permitting with all that.
I asked my parents to have a lock fitted on the door so that I could have some privacy if necessary. It has a key for the outside in case of medical emergency. I really hope things will work out well. Everyone's trying hard enough. One thing I do worry about is that my family all have strong opinions and are very vocal about them (i.e. argue!). I'm going prepared with earplugs! Joking aside, I find arguments very stressful, so will try to keep out of them.
I've just had a short visit from Son 1, to pick up his pen drives that he left here last night. He's gone off with an ice cream lolly, as happy as Larry! Well, time to ring my Mum. Toodle oo.

I had a pretty good evening really. First my favourite 'uncle' rang up. He's actually my Dad's cousin, but I've always known him as an uncle. We had a nice chat, then Son 1 arrived. I had a good evening with him, then was in bed by nine, intending to watch 'Rosemary & Thyme', but I was asleep within minutes. I woke up a while back with sore teeth. I think I must have been grinding them in my sleep. I'm still not feeling too good - sore muscles & a general feeling of yuckiness. My back is giving me gyp too. It's the flat bit between my hips, and impossible to get comfy except in bed with my microbead cushion wedged against it.
I don't want to get into the habit of spending half the night on the computer, so I'll be off back to bed shortly, and maybe read for a while. At least if I'm in bed I'm resting my body. I probably should take some painkillers but I'd rather avoid them if I can. I'm not eating an awful lot at the moment, so they aren't likely to help the nausea, and/or feeling of yuckiness. I prefer pain (within reason) to nausea. I can actually have a lie-in tomorrow, so what's the betting I'll be wide awake by six? TTFN.

Ugh. I thought it was too good to be true. I'm starting to feel slightly nauseous again. I've been resting most of the afternoon. I don't know why I'm so interested in real crime, but I do enjoy reading about it. Son 1 will be down in an hour or so, so I'm off to get a little more rest while I still have the chance. Can't face tea at the moment, maybe an ice lolly... Oh, by the way, I've closed my other email accounts so please use anniebee39 at aol dot com in future. Thanks.

The nausea has eased! Hooray! I have no idea why, but I'm so relieved. It's hard enough trying to cope with everything else, without that too. I went shopping with Mum this morning, then we came back here and she did the housework. Son 1 will be down after tea, so I have the rest of the afternoon to rest. I plan to lie on my bed and read detective magazines. I bought some more this morning. I'm still very tired, in a fair bit of pain (more than usual), and my balance is crap - I won't even go into the eye stuff. But I'm so relieved not to be feeling sick all the time, so I'm a relatively happy bunny.

I've just been wrapping up my son's rabbit's birthday present and writing his card. Yes, I know I'm mad, but it amuses my son and the rabbit likes his carrot crunchies, though I don't think he's that bothered about the card. I managed to find one with a hare on. There was a card with a fox on it but I thought that might have been a bit scarey!
That rabbit is so spoilt. He has a 'litter' tray (which he uses) in the private part of his hutch, has vinyl flooring under his hay, and eats out of a ramekin - I kid you not. I suggested to Mum that she put a bowl of water in, then he could have a swim if he fancied it! He's allowed in the utility room and my son's sitting room, and is sort of a semi house rabbit.
He even went on his holidays. When Son 1 was on holiday, the rabbit went to stay with his little (half-)brother, as he wants a pet and they thought they'd have a trial run. No doubt the kitten when we get it in the Autumn, will be equally spoilt, in terms of attention at least. As we're going to get a Siamese kitten we're hoping to train it to walk on a lead. Apparently they can be trained to use a toilet, but I still can't work out how they lift the lid.....

Sleep has definitely helped the muscle pain, and although I'm still feeling lousy things never seem as bad on a sunny morning as they do in the middle of the night. I'm hoping to pop into town briefly this morning and I expect I'll see Mum at some point, and that Son 1 will be down this evening.
When I was in town yesterday I saw several people with nasty sunburn. I know I've done it myself in the past, but we didn't know as much about sun damage and skin cancer then. I also saw a woman with a little baby girl about a month old, holding her up without supporting her head. Sometimes you just have to gulp and look away, don't you?
If this nausea would just go away I'd be a happy woman, but in the meantime I'll feel quite pleased if I can get into town and back. I want to buy some magazines and some soft drinks. I'm not really over keen on food at the moment, apart from fruit juice ice lollies. If life was fair I'd be a size eight - lol!

I had a sleep and woke up to see the end of 'New Tricks'. I was just thinking that I liked it when they said that there will be another series next year. Typical! Then I watched 'Have I Got News For You', with Jeremy Clarkson as the guest host. I really enjoyed it, as I'm a fan of 'HIGNFY' and 'Top Gear'. And that's tonight's tv report - lol!
On the health front things are no better, in fact I'm more achey & sore and just feeling pretty awful. I really don't want to take anything for the pain because it will just make me feel more nauseous. I'm drinking loads, but then I always do. All I want to do is lie in a darkened room and drink cold drinks, so that's what I'm off to do. No more computer time tonight.

Well, I saw my doctor & I have to have a load of blood tests done - lithium levels, liver function, thyroid, bone(?), sugar (because I'm very thirsty), and some others I don't recognise. Unfortunately the earliest I can get them done is Friday morning. That was the first appointment they could give me. Just to make me feel ancient, the phlebotomist is someone I once babysat for.
After the doctor's appointment I went and bought the rabbit's birthday card and present (yes, I know I'm mad!) and then to Tesco's. I was nearly on my knees by the time I got home. I'm feeling far more tired than usual, and I'm not able to do as much as 'normal'. Anyway, no answers until the blood tests (and MRI scan) are done.
I showered and then had to lie down for about an hour and a half before I could face tea. My appetite is crap, but I have to eat otherwise the meds make me feel worse. I'm more achey than usual today too. Sorry to moan, but I blog to get things off my chest. I don't think I'm going to get to blog tweaking or bloghopping this evening. I'm already feeling that I need to go and lie down again. I hope there's something worth watching on tv! Hopefully I'll get back online later.
Perhaps I could ask a favour. If you know anyone on my blogroll, please could you pass on my new URL, and maybe leave me a comment to say you have. I would really appreciate it. I'm sure no-one will mind if they get told more than once! Thanks so much.

The tooth has been filed down - without an injection! My mouth feels much more comfortable, although the tooth hurts if I bite on it. The dentist is going to put me down as urgent when she refers me to the hospital. So that's that over and done with. I plan to relax for a while with the 'True Detective' magazine I've just bought, and at some point lunch on a Pot Noodle followed by some melon chunks. I'm meeting Mum at one fifteen, but I can't rush, so I don't have a whole load of time. Later on I must visit the other people on my blogroll and let them know of my move. I'd also like to tweak the blog design. It's not very 'me' at the moment. Anyhow, I need to lie down and make this nausea go away, so that I can eat.

I finally got through to the dentist's surgery, after about forty five minutes and endless answering machines. I've got an appointment at ten past ten this morning which I'm really pleased about as it will get it out of the way. Then I have an appointment with my doctor at one thirty this afternoon, and it's his first appointment so there shouldn't be much waiting around. So hopefully I should have made some progress by the end of the day, even if it's just a filed down filling and a packet of anti-nausea tablets. I certainly hope so. I've rarely felt quite as grotty as I do at the moment.

In the light of day I still stand by what I wrote last night. Thanks for the comments by the way. My fears have temporarily consolidated themselves into a fear of going to the dentist and getting this tooth sorted. She won't take it out because it's a wisdom tooth, and because of all my ailments and medication, but I don't like fillings much either. Maybe she'll just file a bit off the top and speed up my hospital appointment (she said hopefully)!
If I can't get a dentist's appointment I shall either try and get a doctor's appointment, or just retire to bed with painkillers. I've been avoiding painkillers (& valium) even more than usual, but the idea of a day catching up with some sleep and slightly 'out of it' seems quite pleasant at the moment. Just one day though. I'm not quite ready to 'take to my bed' yet.
Anyhow, apart from all that, it's another beautiful day here. Summer seems to have arrived, or at least to be on its way. I expect I'll see my Mum today, and if at all possible I'd like to do some shopping. I need to get my Dad's Father's Day present, and something for the rabbit's birthday! I also need some groceries, or at least some water and juice. I don't feel much like eating, apart from ice lollies.

It's not been a good weekend on a personal front. I've realised that my health has got considerably worse. I also think the medication (at least I hope it's the medication) is affecting my ability to deal with things like online techie stuff, and dealing with things like contacting various organisations to tell them about my move. Thankfully I have my Dad to help. I just type the letters. I can still do that, thank goodness! My memory is shot to pieces, and I keep doing things like getting my tablets wrong. Fortunately I can still realise that I've got things wrong.
I think I'm not so much moving in with my parents because I have to leave the flat, but because I need to. I'm actually wishing away the two weeks until the move. On the health front I know there is something wrong. Whether it's just a combination of lesser things I don't know, but my vision is even worse than usual, my balance is shot to pieces, I'm getting a lot of nausea when I'm walking around, my legs are number than usual, and I'm not entirely sure that my waterworks are working properly either.
I suppose worst case scenario is that the benign brain tumour has grown and is affecting my eyes etc., or that there are signs of multiple sclerosis. There has been a question mark in that direction for the past eight years, as I have most of the symptoms, but my MRI's haven't shown any signs. The better scenario is that it's a bout of labyrinthitis, or damage caused by repeated attacks, along with the fibromyalgia making the eye problems worse and just making me feel awful. Maybe the Neurontin is causing the nausea, although it didn't make me feel sick when I first started taking it.
I'm scared. I feel rotten physically. I'm also at the very end of my tether. And in two weeks time I'm moving house. A darn good cry would probably help, but I haven't shed a tear for ages, which is pretty unusual for me. I have to admit that the tooth thing isn't helping. Lumbar puncture? No problem. Tooth out? *Gulp*. I'm not phobic, just a coward. Oh well, congratulations if you've got to the end of this long and boring post! Better out than in I suppose!

I really didn't intend to move my blog again for a very long time, but unfortunately I've been having problems getting it to work properly over the last few days, and after trying everything possible, just couldn't get it right. No-one else seemed to be getting the same errors. Anyhow, I realised that a) there isn't any point in having all those gizmos if you can't get them to work, and b) I am just not able to sit here for hours on end trying to get them to work. Apart from anything else, my balance is crap at the moment. So, here I am back to Blogger - which doesn't have too many bells and whistles to fiddle with.
The blog name came from the name generator at Word Lab - no spending hours to decide this time. I'll fiddle with the sidebar later. I can't sit here for long at the moment without feeling nauseous. (Can't wait to get my laptop!) I think I'll be off to see my doctor again this week for some anti-nausea tablets, plus I need to try and get a dentist's appointment tomorrow, as the wisdom tooth she filled on Thursday hurts if I try to bite on it, which is difficult as she's left the filling too high up. It hasn't been my week really!